The post Advice from the Comic Hack – 171 The Soap Opera Villains and Cowardly Father Edition appeared first on Tortuga Twins.

The weather has been a dream this year and we've been visited by so many fabulous, and sometimes naughty, fans and friends.

There were...

Big hats (LOVE IT) and pretty girls...

via Tammy J. Cooper

Tortuga butt...

via Jordan Smith

Scaramouche being attacked by a baby...

via Robert Hope

Mother's Day madness...

via Joey Appleseed

Scaramouche's 51st Birthday Celebrations...

via Donna Proffitt

And even a celebrity sighting...

via our friend, Justin

There are four weekends left of the Georgia Renaissance Festival...and each weekend gets wilder than the last.  Catch us while you can!

Till next time...

Love and laughter to ALL!

The post That Georgia State of Mind appeared first on Tortuga Twins.

It is always with mixed emotions that we approach our final weekend.  On one hand, there are goodbyes to be said and extra work to be done closing things up for the season.  On the other hand, we always go out big!  It seemed like every show had that little "something extra" - especially on Sunday (which happened to be Easter Sunday).  Of course, there was the playful wolf, who tossed the squeaky toy off stage because no little weenie would do.  And the ever-playful Island Queen.  But it was (of course) the R-Rated show that went totally off the rails!

Remember, this was Easter Sunday.  The favorite guy in the crowd was dubbed "Big Blue Easter Egg" (he was bald and wearing a blue shirt).

    - There was the time Scaramouche told Big Blue Easter Egg:  "I'm gonna crack your shell & eat you - and spit out the yolk, cuz I don't swallow."

    - There was the guy in the audience who yelled "You'll poke your eye out, kid!" only to have Raphael tell him to shut up. "That's Christmas, this is Easter!

    - There was the time when the Subway/Jared-in-jail jokes went darker than usual with references to double meat, split buns and extra sauce.

And then, as they were about to begin the swordfighting portion of the show, D'Angelo suggested they put on protective headgear.  All the guys left the stage and reappeared wearing bunny ears, and it all went downhill from there!

    - As Raphael approached D'Angelo for the stare down, D said "wait - you're a little blurry.  Let me fix the reception." and adjusted R's rabbit ears.

    - There was the Warner Brothers classic "duck season/rabbit season" show down.

    - There was the time when D'Angelo started doing bunny impressions and Scaramouche asked him how he ever got laid.  D's response:  "Dude, I'm a rabbit!  I do it like 300 times a day!"  Raphael then asked how many of those were with a partner.  Oops!

    - There was the moment, just before "I am like a ninja", when Scaramouche declared he wanted to do the show like this (bunny ears) all the time "because right now, I'm the manly one!"

    - And then there was the moment when Big Blue Easter Egg came up to the stage to adjust Scaramouche's ears, saying "they were spread too far".  Raphael responded with "...if he had a dollar for every time he's heard that..."

The post We Can Still Feel the Love and Hear the Laughter…Arizona appeared first on Tortuga Twins.

Yes indeed, Tortuga Fans...Valentine and Bernardo made their Tortuga debut opening weekend of the Bay Area Renaissance Festival in Tampa, Florida on Valentine's Day, February 14.  Although nervous was the word for the day, success was the outcome!  So. Much. Fun!

Want to meet the new guys?!  You can find them on the Tower Stage for four shows daily including, dear friends, the R-Rated Show.

The following photos are courtesy Bianca Badia https://www.facebook.com/BeeGoesBuzz

Meanwhile in Arizona...

"Second week of faire was also a three-day weekend, so a dose of extra fun for all!

Saturday - During the R-rated show, D'Angelo tells Scaramouche to "prepare to leave this world the same way you came into it" and someone in the audience called out "by accident!"  Raphael walked out to him, gave him a dollar, and said "we own that joke now."  LOL!

Sunday - Based on a comment made the previous day, instead of saying "bad enough to pick a fight with Chuck Norris" during the Pirate show, Raphael updated it to Daryl Dixon.  It went over well so they may be using that one again!  (Now, Raphael owes me a dollar ...)

Monday - At the end of the Pirate show, Scaramouche kissed the Island Queen and asked the daughter in the audience if she got the picture, offering to do it again.  She made him wait while she hurried up to the edge of the stage.  As D'Angelo announced, she wanted a CLOSE-UP!!

There was also a moment during the R-rated show when Scaramouche approaches a child in the audience and says "Lesbian is just a cute nickname for grandma".  Then there was a pause, and he said "oh, are you grandma?"  Always fun when things like that happen!"

via Cindy Gray/AZ TT Fan Club Chapter Head/Tortuga Cart Manager

The post And the Tortuga Fun Continues appeared first on Tortuga Twins.

(Weekend #2)

Via Cindy Gray:

Warm, sunshiny weather continues in Arizona and makes for a very nice three-day weekend at faire!  Here are just a few tidbits from this weekend's amazing shows:

- I've noticed our Robin Hood shows are now including Jodi Arias jokes.  Not sure if they play as well in other locations as they do here, although it did garner national attention.  Scaramouche tells Robin to stay in jail "just like Jodi Arias".  When the audience reacts, he says "no, no - I hear she's a killer girlfriend!"

- On Sunday, I overheard this comment after a rather lackluster audience response:  "We want to thank everyone for that moment of silence for the late, great comedian Sid Caesar."

- On Monday, I was surprised to hear "Errol Flynn, eat your heart out".  Not sure what happened to Russell Crowe and Kevin Costner!  🙂

- Monday's R-Rated show also brought more fun than usual from our 16-year-old "Masturbation Boy".  It began with "you're a teenage boy, you know what I mean ... and judging by that blushing, I guess you do!" - ended with Scaramouche telling a younger child to move because "the last thing he needs to see at this moment [the moment where he has two hot girls seated on either side of him] is his kid sister!"  - and somewhere in the middle of it all, this sage advice from Scaramouche:  "When someone is trying to have a conversation with you and is calling you Masturbation Boy, TAKE THE BACKPACK OUT OF YOUR LAP!  You're not fooling anyone!"

 

You can find Furball Photo on facebook to see more amazing photos from the Arizona Renaissance Festival.

Looking forward to Weekend Three?  Don't forget to post your pics from fest on our facebook page.

We can't wait to see what you share...

Tell us about your AzRF adventures this year...in our comments below.

The post If You’re Cold, Come To Arizona appeared first on Tortuga Twins.

And so it begins...

The 2014 Festival season is under way and the Arizona Renaissance Festival is up first.

via our lovely Cart Goddess and Arizona FC Chapter Head, Cindy Gray:

"Opening weekend at AZRF was beautiful.  Weather was warm (and destined to be even warmer for our three-day adventure ... dig yourself out of the snow and come join us before the rain shows up!).  It was what is often referred to as "Dress Rehearsal Weekend" since everyone has been on hiatus for a couple of months.  Sometimes that makes for a lot of interesting mistakes, but sometimes it just makes for more fun!

We were busy at the cart getting things situated and double-checking ourselves, having our own version of "dress rehearsal weekend", so I didn't get to pay a lot of attention to the shows. Just a few things here and there.  Sunday's R Show did catch my attention though!  The bitch slap bit went on longer than usual, and the rating had been upped to xXx by that time, but all I can remember is laughing - loud and hard - a lot!!  It is very clear, though, that the show in their heads was even better than the one on stage:

Scaramouche to Raphael - "This is only Triple X ... you can't say what I'm thinking!""

It's only weekend one.  The best is yet to come.

The post 2014 Is Off To A GREAT Start! appeared first on Tortuga Twins.

Happy, Happy Faces!

The post Yes, Bristol, We Are Having F.U.N.! appeared first on Tortuga Twins.

The Halfwit Harbor Stage will be "home" for the next eight weekends.  Will we see you there? 

Be prepared for some new merchandise...or some revamped stuff from last year.  I personally LOVE the red Dias shirts.  There's just something about the color RED.  

The post Georgia Ren Fest – Opening Day appeared first on Tortuga Twins.

For those of you that have been enjoying Scaramouche's Advice Column...a book is in the works...and a blog.  Oh yes, many wonderful things coming down the pike from the pigtailed one.  Go...read his latest edition now.  You'll laugh, you'll cry and you may even shout "Oh My!"...

Advice from Scaramouche Tortuga #99 - The Two Year Shower Buddy and a Little B.S. Edition

"It kind of freaks me out to think that if people take my words to heart, I have just ended a two-year bad relationship but to balance that out I have helped someone else follow their bliss to the employment of their dreams. So, karma. That’s heavy. I hope to have all of these advice columns moved into their new blog home, and off of Facebook in time for the 100th column in two weeks. Don’t worry; I’ll still promote them each week right here for your enjoyment. Yes, I will be eventually turning them into an actual book. Yes, I’d love it if you purchased that book. Yes I’m fragile to the point that if you do not, I’ll cry my little eyes out; so stay tuned for more info. When I’ve moved the columns to the blog you will able to sign up for email alerts whenever a new one is published. Fun! Until then I need you to please “Like” this column.  Please leave “Comments” in the section provided . You can submit questions for future columns in that comment section or (even better) you can email your questions to advicequestions@tortugatwins.com. Finally please go ahead and “Share” this advice column. I measure the impact and reach of each week’s offering by the “Comments”, “Likes” and “Shares” each column receives. Your feedback is so important to me

It also wouldn’t hurt if you were to click the “Like” link on my Facebook page Scaramouche Tortuga"

Scaramouche Tortuga

The post ADVICE FROM SCARAMOUCHE appeared first on Tortuga Twins.

It's the premiere entertainment, nightlife, and lifestyle GLBTQ guide distributed in the Phoenix Metro Area and Tucson, available online at www.ionaz.com

This is in the lastest issue...page 65.  Please note that The Tortuga Twins have been performing at the Arizona Renaissance Festival since 1994...not 2004 as stated in the write-up.

The post Latest Magazine Spotlight – ION Arizona appeared first on Tortuga Twins.